Signs Your Aging Parent Needs Help

DIANE GASAWAY

Signs Your Aging Parents Need HELP

Ever wonder if your parents are doing ok in their daily living activities or if they might be getting to the point of needing some help?

Here are some warning signs that indicate someone is having difficulty performing the activities of daily living.

EATING HABITS
POOR NUTRITION

• There is a change in their appetite – either the loss of it or the increased desire for food.

• They show no interest in eating out or in their favorite foods.

• Their weight changes – either weight gain or weight loss.

• They are keeping expired food in the house.

• There is a lack of fresh, healthy food in the house.

• Spoiled food is kept that should have been thrown away.

• Changes in their skin tone.

• They are frequently fatigued or always tired.

PHYSICAL CHANGES IN THEIR HOUSE OR YARD

• They no longer take care of broken or damaged things in the house like appliances or replacing light bulbs.

• Pots and pans with burn marks could indicate food has been left unattended with cooking.

• An uncharacteristically dirty, cluttered, or unorganized house. They may no longer be able to see the dirt because of changes to their vision. Maybe they are no longer able to physically bend over to pick things up, so they just leave them where they fall.

• Overgrown lawns, uncared-for flower beds, or trash piling up outside is an indication they can no longer physically take care of those things or there is no interest in having them done.

PHYSICAL CHANGES IN THEIR APPEARANCE OR MOODS

• They are acting differently toward you, their friends, or even strangers.

• Extreme mood swings are exhibited. Overly happy mood turns quickly to despair with no expressed reason.

• They are showing poor personal hygiene as a result of infrequent showering or bathing.

• There is a noticeable decline in grooming habits, such as unkempt hair, untrimmed nails, or lack of oral care.

• There are unexplained bruising, scratches, wounds, or other marks on their body that could be the result of a fall or burns that could indicate problems with cooking.

• They are having increased difficulty getting up from a seated position.

• There is a loss of interest in activities or hobbies they once enjoyed.

• There are changes in sleep patterns: either they are sleeping a lot more, especially during the day, or they are experiencing a dramatic decrease in sleep at night.

• They are experiencing increased agitation, aggravation, and resistance to the smallest change in their routine.

FINANCIAL
CHANGES

• There are piles of unpaid bills or unopened mail lying around.

• They have received late payment notices.

• There are charges of bounced checks or calls from bill collectors.

• They have a sudden interest in ordering items they see on TV or the computer.

• They are responding to offers from unsolicited phone calls or mail-in prizes.

FORGETFULNESS
CONFUSION

• They are losing or misplacing keys, wallets, purses, remotes, and other items that are used frequently.

• They forget to take medication, take the wrong medication, or fail to have prescriptions refilled. This is evidenced by either empty prescription bottles, expired refills dates, or prescription bottles full that have been filled long ago.

• They are missing important appointments or simply not showing up when they are expected.

• They fail to return phone call to family and friends.

• Increased difficulty or uncertainty when doing familiar tasks, such as laundry, vacuuming, washing dishes or dressing appropriately.

DRIVING

• They have unexplained or multiple dents, dings, or scratches on the car or tires.

• There is evidence in the garage or carport of miscalculating distance between the car and other objects.

• They have traffic violation tickets or get in accidents.

Talking with Your Parents

Prepare yourself for a possible awkward, emotional conversation

• Approach the conversation with everyone involved with an attitude of sharing information, a willingness to listen, and a shared goal of finding the best possible solution.

• Recognize there may be resistance from your parents, who may view this as a threat to their independence.

• Be prepared for misunderstanding, bruised feelings, and the possibility that it may take more than one conversation to find a workable solution.

• Have a list of specific difficulties you’ve seen and when you noticed them. This establishes a well-documented history, instead of a vague “One time I remember seeing…”

• Do your research and offer suggestions and solutions that address your concerns.

• Be prepared to recognize and acknowledge the emotion behind what is said and not just the words that are said.

• Be comforted in the fact that a difficult conversation is better before there is a crisis that forces everyone to make decisions quickly.

Preparing Others

• To avoid resentment, include all the people who love and care for your parents.

• Let them know you want to hear their concerns, even when they differ from yours. Ask for their input and viewpoints and reaffirm that you all want a solution to the concerns that will benefit your parents.

• Look for points of agreement, no matter who small.

Preparing Your Parents

• You may want to write a letter to your parents, expressing your concerns and your desire to have a conversation. Remind your parents your concern is out of love for them and you want to help them continue living safely in the home they love.

• Listen for understanding as they share their fears and concerns.

When To Have The Conversation:

• If you can, bring up the subject of “the talk” before you need to have the talk! As your parents age, discuss the possibility that they may need assistance in the future, and you are willing and want to help if and when that time comes.

• If an illness has been diagnosed or an accident has already occurred, the conversation may need to begin immediately.

• If the situation permits, and you can select a time to talk when you will not be interrupted.

• Choose a quiet location with few distractions.

• Remember, when you bring up your concerns, your parents may not have had the time to consider them or may not be ready to have the conversation.

• Let them know you understand their position and the topic is important, so you can schedule a different time to talk. Decide then on a date and time when you will have the discussion.

Don't:

• Do not bring it up during an argument or when either one of you are upset.

• Do not bring it up when your attention is divided, and you are thinking of other things.

• Do not bring it up just before you go somewhere, or you know there are visitors arriving.

• Do not bring it up if you have limited time and will have to rush through it. You want everyone to have enough time to talk and process what is being said.

Even with the best of planning and preparation, the conversation may not go the way you wanted. You may have to back off, regroup and try again later.

Remember, you are having these difficult conversations with your care receiver because you care about his or her well-being and future and you want only the very best for them.